when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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