I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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