You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
