I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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