Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You can't motorboat a personality
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
