meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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