i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
