I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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