Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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