This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
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Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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