Got a toothbrush?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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