Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
