I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
