Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
