i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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