Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
