I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
