I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
420 ftw
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
