I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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