You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
