apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My feet surprised me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
