why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
