when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
