It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
