Michael Bay diarrhea
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
