I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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