There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
