I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
