I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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