Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
