I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
