someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
