I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
