I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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