atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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