My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
