Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
