i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
