I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so let's talk penis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Randomize
