we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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