My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
