the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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