I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
