How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
