He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize