She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
