God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
