You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
