very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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