is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
