i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
