She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
