forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
