you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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