Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
