he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
