Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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