Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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