overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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