Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
