how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
