Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
