And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i think my cat just said my name.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
