how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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