Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
