All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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