i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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