i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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